venlafaxine at bedtime
my dreams have gotten
weird. it’s like
i’m remembering them more / but they’re longer
and deeper
like there was a thick pane
between me and my experiences
before,
i couldn’t
reach in / and feel myself
not like / digging into a cleft pomegranate.
the jewels / crunch / between my knuckles
the white mesodermal tissue / sticks
under my fingernails. i can’t
remove it even if i tried.
here,
my peers sit in white pods / on a lake
or maybe / an abandoned shallow
swimming pool
and i hop from pod to pod /
trying to befriend them.
here,
i get into fights / with my family under/ bridges
and i can feel that / crunch
for once.
i wake up
overjoyed.
i swallow people whole
today, the truth is
the mirror i shattered on
the bathroom floor.
the truth bends like that sometimes when
the timing isn’t right,
the silver buckling before it / snaps.
i pause, pick the / flesh from between
my teeth. one day,
i will know these rivers
as well as my own name /
but today is not that day.
for now, i will /
revel in the
beautiful lack of understanding
that the world has
of me.
one day, i will know my true / strength
but i sweep the / shards up
today
and wait for
tomorrow’s mistakes.
i am ready.
—
Lee Anderson is a nonbinary MFA student at Northern Arizona University. They enjoy pets with human names, decently-priced gluten free food, and videos of the ocean. They have been published sporadically but with zest.
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