Death Takes a Holiday by Kip Knott

Death packs a sack lunch:
a little ham salad, some saltines,
and seven deviled eggs.

He lounges by the pool,
the end marked NO DIVING
in blood-red letters.

He throws off his cloak
to let the sun tinge
his ghostly white skin,

then runs down the list
he’s committed to memory—
heat stroke, heart attack, bee sting—

before settling on an old standby.
He spreads a little ham salad
on a saltine with the tip of his scythe

and watches the fat boy
who forgot to wear his water wings
run along the edge


Kip Knott is a writer, poet, teacher, photographer, and part-time art dealer living in Delaware, Ohio. His new book of poetry, The Misanthrope in Moonlight, is available from Bottlecap Press. He spends all his spare time traveling the back roads of the Midwest and Appalachia taking photographs and searching for lost art treasures.

Dead dog by Hayden Church

Carrying a dog that is almost dead
was like carrying a dog that was already dead.

I was driving home from work late night
when I hit a deer on the road to my house.

I saw him stutter-step toward the culvert
before he fell bloody and dead in the ditch.

I had to drive to school every morning
with that dead deer in the ditch knowing

that it was me who had killed him with
my pickup truck that I didn’t even want.

It was raining as I carried my dog
out of the rain and placed her to die

under the shelter and cried something
so awful, other people said they were sorry.


Hayden Church is a writer from Florida.

Excerpt from You’re Gonna Break My Heart by Caleb Jordan

As meaningless as the piss
currently streaming steaming into my mouth—
the great ghost of becoming
gives up.
Night night. I sleep underneath
the bed with the secrets and dust.
Brutalist church made of dried
shit—the poem writes itself
on paper made of steam. Night
time on the soundstage (get up
and get a beer from the fridge),
soon we enter the dark night of the soil.


Caleb Jordan is an autistic poet from Oklahoma.

NYC by Lilly Hogan

little boy on vacation on subway tries to make it look like he’s not w parents
staring at parents on other side of subway

That’s me everyday 
but parents not looking back at me cuz they’re not there

I’m in NYC everyday now where it’s obvious there are homeless people
hiding elsewhere but here they sleep in the middle of the sidewalk

my brain starts to move faster here 
my shoulders tighter my dreams bigger 

I’m being excited I’m being devastated 
I close my eyes and see myself on train tracks 

I open them and see paintings plays influencers 
hot soggy but I’m still glamorous girl 
in little high heels in soho 
clack clack click click flash flash


Lilly Hogan lives in New York City and doesn’t know how to explain who she is very well. 

3 Poems by Jaime Barash

Instagram Blues

Look at me
look at this watermelon juice
I just made it, fresh
Look at me
look at my ass in these jeans
in this bikini
in this picture
don’t I look hot?
My lips are as plush
as Kim Kardashian’s
I bought the same 
shoes as her
we fly
we out here
hashtag
Look at the moon
look at my bedroom walls
look at me
all drunk
and stoned
waiting for your likes
your hearts
your attention
your approval

Messy Bedrooms Filled With New Lovers

I am an Artist
I say,
lean back in my chair, kick up my heels, hike up my skirt,
breathe in the ocean
I smoke a cigarette, I rolled it myself
Drink tea and martinis,
wear one pieces
rock mini skirts
enjoy cake in the afternoons by the pool
I have rooms with views
I enjoy the company of myself
I listen to Pink Floyd on repeat, lie in my hammock, wear heels while I vacuum
I go to New York for cocktail parties
I contemplate the molecular structure of matter and spirit,
and I think I am starting to see ghosts
I see through you, yes I do
I like to put a new paint job on things
So I say,
I can’t hear about billions and bailouts and banks anymore
J’aimerais trouver honnêtee
I explain my need to go to more drum circles,
dance in the twilight
swing under moonshine
I wanna wear more feathers in my hair, I tell him
I need to get lost in more train stations,
dance on more tables
have sex with Jim Morrison
I’ve got my mind made up
I want to be wild and unruly,
live a life without logic
enter the fifth world unapologetically
I’d like to read more romantic poetry,
go to Graceland,
have burning love light my morning skies
In the near future, I plan on time traveling,
riding on horseback
to lands with eternal dimensions,
ever living ghosts,
and messy bedrooms filled with new lovers
I’d like to hang out in my bed with John and Yoko
probably on a Saturday morning or something,
get around to brunch when we get around to it
I wanna walk a tight wire and
find a shade of lipstick I’m crazy about…
I take a breath and sip while he listens
I see, He says
FINALLY, I say

If Poetry Were A Gossip Magazine

Oh
My
God
Becky
Look at her poem
It is like, so bad
as if she doesn’t
punctuate properly
like she doesn’t even
capitalize
Duh
like, she is so not
literary enough
who does she think she is
writing poems
with no degree
no professor
no followers
lol


Jaime Barash is a writer living on the shores of Lake Erie. She is currently working on her forthcoming book of Essays, Poetry, Mantras, and Musings, SODA POP WISHES & COFFEE STAINED DREAMS. Her poetry has been published on Hobart and on her Substack.

The Wait by Troy James Weaver

It was a Friday in April, Richard Nixon’s heart gave out, and Uncle Chip gave me a tackle box. 

“You can have it,” he said. “Got a new one in the truck.”

His mullet dripped down his back, dark curls glittery in the light. The late spring sun smelled like nickels and lemon grass; the oriole songs plaintive against the swaying limbs throwing shade at our feet.

We went in opposite directions and paced the banks, casting our lines. The river rolled along, coppery and gentle. Every now and again I’d get a bite, but nothing stayed with me. Chip wasn’t having any luck either. 

After a while, cloud-shifts over the sun told us to pack it up and herd it in, the moon already high and pale as bone in the pink sky.

“Guess canned spaghetti is on the menu tonight,” he said.

We got a fire crackling. A few wet logs hissed and spat back at the flames. He cut the lid off the can and nestled it into a little bed of coals. Ten minutes later we were eating with our fingers from overturned Frisbees, wiping our hands on our pantlegs and drinking warm tap water from old two-liter pop bottles.

“Too bad about the fish,” he said. “But this ain’t bad.”

I nodded.

“You sure are quiet,” he said. “You look like you’re lost in it.”

“I’m just happy to be here.”

“Me too, kid. Me too.”

Before calling it a night, he told me stuff out of a children’s book. Something about a guy looking for his toe. And another one about a murderer, which he claimed was true. 

There were lightning flashes in the faraway distances as we climbed into the tent, wind picking up and scratching whispers across the canvass. I fell into a deep sleep to the cadence of his breathing.

I woke a few hours later. Thunder echoed off the white-caps, lightning so intense and frequent it bleached the sky. I reached for Chip, but not far enough. I couldn’t get to him. Or he couldn’t get to me.

What’s the difference?

More distance, strengthened by force.

When the clouds finally parted, the streetlights popped on, and the gentle sound of my mother’s voice, through the war of my blood, called me back up to the house to try to smooth away the hurt.


Five Simpsons Haiku by Noam Hessler

A garden slug
As caulk between my teeth.
D’oh!

■■■

Spraypainting
A
Dull
Washed
Wall
Again & again.
Guerillas dismembering someone in the mountains.

■■■

I am tender towards
My children
And potatoes.

■■■

The straydogs hate
My saxophone. Ha! —
I’ll outlive them.

■■■

A baby meets an anteater in the hills. December mist.


Noam Hessler is a poet from New England. Hessler’s work has been published in Apocalypse Confidential, BRUISER, and DON’T SUBMIT. They are currently a student at Vassar College, and can be found on twitter at @poetryaccnt1518.

please be patient, god isn’t finished with me yet by dizzy turek

my crusty eyes erupt. my fuzzy body is entombed in dust. dandruff populates my pillow. i smile big. today will be like the other days. i peel each day like a banana. i lift weights in my bedroom until i sweat. i drink water, tea, coffee, & liquor from a tiny glass. much the same, i whisper, halitosis loitering in my teeth. however, today will differ from the other days. i’ll get ready in 10 minutes. i’ll go to the bus stop for work. i’ll listen to all the conversations around me. people from all over the neighborhood who i’ve never met. i’ll hear details that i wasn’t meant to hear, but that’s ok. i won’t tell a soul. i won’t have breakfast. i’ll spend 20 dollars for lunch from a venezuelan restaurant. i’ll sit alone in the conference room so i’m away from my computer while i nourish myself. my dad will text me but i won’t have time to answer. there’s too much to do. i’ll do some emails then i’ll go online shopping. what a nice set of hats! i’ll buy them for all my friends. that’s 180 dollars for hats. the sun will bless me through the window. i’ll want to take a walk but i will not have finished my excel spreadsheets. there will be more cells to fill, 1000s upon 1000s. i’ll get an earache. work will be done at 3:45. i’ll leave 4:30, say goodbye to Marie, exit through the front door, get on the bus, and watch the lights slide past. the slow traffic will make me impatient. i’ll eat sardines and bread because i will have not gone grocery shopping. there will be many a road to go down, many a sidestreet. i might pray if i can remember. the light will leave faster than usual and the dark will be plumper. the ufos will flit over the lake and the moon will cast its light in a giant wavering circle. that night air will give me a chill and i’ll go back inside for 7 chocolate chip cookies and 2 hours on the internet, opening tabs and closing tabs. i won’t call my mom, my sister, or my friend saide. i might pray if i can remember. my neck will crunch, my posture will weaken me, i’ll have some time for anything. then at 12:30am, i’ll feel the sigh of my weary head and go to bed without having brushed my teeth or taken off any clothes. then dreams will play like words in the wrong contexts like reminders coming late like my noggin like a salad. but mostly, i’ll be a rock or a clicker with no batteries, lying like a great big dead piano, only the sound of breathing making anyone think i’m a human being worth my weight in salt. i might pray if i can remember. then nothing, void, the day will die a happy death. but that’s then. this is now. my stomach is an ocean in a plastic bag. split ends tip their morning caps at each other. boogers yawn in the dawn. sleep creeps on my eyelids. time is subtracting today but that’s ok. i smile big. today will be unlike any other day.


dizzzy turek writes in chicago but is originally from ohio. find writing on substack and on twitter @dddddizzzzyzzz

The System is Breaking Down by Colin Partch

When I was young every space had a secret room inside

Now I shoot up candy-shaped pills in front of a Coldstone

Below freezing lemon trees at sea level

There’s a man disappearing at the end of that branch

The grass is dead trampled—I’m sitting on a dry patch worrying at the curdling sky

My body breaks into a waft of balloons

I hope you recorded my voice

I hope my letters reach you in time

I hiss to my neighbor a gaggle of numb words

He says that he’s proud of how I turned out

The hour has neither auspicious signs nor dense gardens

I climb the stairs to the wilting apartment and wait for my tongue to unravel

I sit in a field and drink until I vomit


Colin Partch is a poet living in Los Angeles with five cats, two rabbits, and partner Phoebe. He edits the literary journal Second Stutter with Solomon Rino. He likes reading and writing about psychoanalysis, stuttering, and alcoholism. 

Profound Opinions by Olivia Zarzycki

I think small dogs are better
I think cable TV is back in 
I think women should get paid 50 grand for every baby they have
I think that water is blue actually
I think that my plane is more likely to crash than anyone else’s plane
I think the 9/11 memes have gotten a little insensitive
I think the trip to Japan would be long but probably worth it
I think running is hard but probably worth it
I think a big t-shirt is the best thing to wear
I think violins are the best sound
I think your name is the best name
I think I need to laugh more
I think everyone should try harder to make me laugh more
I think that endings are sad and we don’t have to think of them as new beginnings we
can just let them be sad
I think I drink too much sometimes but not enough that it’s actually concerning
I think if we print more money it will solve the problem why wouldn’t it
I think if we talked more it would solve my problems why wouldn’t it 
I think I have the most problems always
I think I am really near the end
I think this poem is finished


Olivia Zarzycki is a Philadelphia-based poet whose most recent work has been published in Feed Lit Mag, The Creative Zine, and Toho Publishing, with work forthcoming in Canthius literary journal and Remington Review. She is an Editor at Thirty West Publishing, based in Pennsylvania. You can find her in the city with her chihuahua Margot or on Twitter at @olivia_online_ .

Cartoon Suicides by Aqeel Parvez

Cartoon Suicides Pt. 1
you can kill yourself while dreaming. i mean it’s socially acceptable and you can do it in a much more entertaining and lighter way than out here. you could clone yourself no problem, into a samurai. you’re kneeling say. the other you is on some yojimbo shit and flies through the air, slicing your head clean off. samurai champloo style, no cap. headless corpse now. your noggin rolls around in the warm grass. the sun god opens a fat mouth and swallows the strange warmth of dreamlike delusion. all I mean to say is that when your therapist gives you some ‘tools’ they won’t mention this neat little trick.

Cartoon Suicides Pt. 2
monday, regent street, 5.36pm. a lorry is speeding towards me. i cross the road anyway. halfway or so, i trust my timing and close my eyes. my legs still moving. i imagine perishing. seconds later i open my eyes; i am still here. does this mean something, must it mean something. i’ve had a right week and toying with death takes the weight off. there are moments when i wish i could overcome my instinct for survival. those times we’d rather be dead than stuck. i close my eyes and I’m chainsawed to death by a masked man. the only bad dream is waking up. the only threat is monday morning.

Cartoon Suicides Pt. 16
later, I’ll stand by the disaster sign. melt tabloid filth. succumb to a glorious chartreuse. pills for the delicate. this fuck-me reality. wake to muck. dream in Gatsby and wake to bedlam and pathetic coffee and pathetic living. notice how if you write it the French way, pathétique, self-pity is suddenly an art form.


Aqeel Parvez runs a podcast / press / events called MALNOURISHED INTELLECT & Poets Talking Bollocks. Check his IG: @ap.writer

Little Maniac by Joshua Vigil

At night I turn into a rat. I scamper beneath clothes that no longer fit, out from under choking sheets,
and I leave my sleeping husband behind. If it were up to me, I wouldn’t turn into a rat: I dig through
trash, the piles that run down the alley beside our apartment’s sole window. Gnaw on old cheese. My
fingers, so tiny. The only marvel. In the morning, my hair matted, my skin stinking of sewage, I tell my
husband the truth. I say, I turned into a rat again. He playfully rolls his eyes then pats my head. My
little maniac, he says. Though he gives me space, never kisses me in the mornings—he smells what I
smell. A rat.


I have rat friends. Squeak squeak, I say to them. Midnights, we prowl the streets, pavement slick with
moonshine. Not all of us make it when we cross. Cars, they come out of nowhere. We mourn our
friends and scurry to the abandoned pizza box, crusts galore. In the mornings, my husband still says
nothing. Was it always like this? Perhaps it was. I insist I am a rat, and he digs his fingers through my
hair, calls me his little maniac. When he pulls his hand back, the tips are oily from the pepperoni I
rolled around in the night before. He smiles. Retreats into the bathroom.


I have a rat lover. I don’t know how this happened. We fuck like bunny rabbits, which is saying
something.

This story ends as one might expect. The city rat czar and her dirty tricks. We bound into the alley,
digging deep into the mystery box. There are many of us, over a dozen. We scavenge to the bottom.
Meet something slick and sticky. Our tails get caught, tangled further in panic. We dart away, each in
opposite directions, each pulled back by our tails. We’re stuck, the material’s knotted us into a clump,
we’re together. The moon dips before the sun rises. It’s a new dawn and we’re dying. At least we’ve
seen it with our own eyes, we say. The legend of the Rat King.


Then the sun lands on my face and I’m no longer a rat. Naked in the alleyway, I look down. The rats
are still a knot. They look up at me, they squeak. I have the instinct to kick them. I lock eyes with my
rat lover and my stomach turns. Squeak squeak. I ready my foot and his pleading eyes glitter.


Joshua Vigil lives in the Pioneer Valley. His work has appeared in Hobart, HAD, Maudlin House, and elsewhere.

Humanmade by John Biron


The secondhand smoke is relaxing
I’m up to my ears in Sunlight
More smoke, more something like breathing in
More, all there is and in an endless sprawl the shaggy carpet stained with fluids,
some human some human-made,
I can feel at peace like a rope of cum shot onto the sidewalk.
The comfort of erasure,
without ever knowing what they had just narrowly escaped.
And some people laugh at immature things well into their maturity
I don’t wanna be the villain, ma, really
I know you aint raised me to be
So set me right again
I listen to my boss tell a story about how big his cat’s morning shit was
How it was discolored
How it puzzled him incessantly
I try to hold the silence of the Sun
Squeezing, ending up with blood under my nails


An aw shucks kinda humble guy who hopes to inspire the nation ❤ @JohnBiron90196 on twitter

Back Door Boys by Lee Pearson

Once or twice every month, Elias would ask me to be his third wheel whenever he’d find some new hole on Tinder—I’d be there in case something went awry and he needed a drinking buddy to finish the night with. I never minded being an accessory to his casual hookups if I got some free drinks out of it, and it’s not like I ever had anything better to do.

From the moment he came into our apartment, I could tell Luis was something special. He seemed unimpressed with our modest digs and our less-than-stellar score of low-grade sativa mixed with high-grade poa pretensis. He still smoked it, the haughty asshole. He was generally a sour lemon, but I was interested to notice how he’d start sweetening up at our jabs and provocations—the crueler the slander, the cuter he’d get. Elias caught on to the act and just started insulting him for anything and everything, which apparently aroused something deep and masochistically whorish in Luis—I’m not qualified to psychoanalyze further, but he was basically begging to be fucked right there on the couch while me and my roommate took turns just absolutely hollowing him out on Street Fighter.

We crawled out the apartment and made our way toward a bar down the street. Luis made some snarky remark when speakers outside the place started hoarsing out Back Door Man. I nudged his side, offered a cigarette. “Hey, you know this song’s about butt sex?” He didn’t laugh—Elias did. My memory fuzzes into static somewhere in the bar, snapshots of a billiards bouts. Luis clawed at Elias’s crotch every time he’d lose a game—I think he was losing on purpose.

Elias, our reluctant DD with a blood-alcohol level somewhere around .20 if I had to guess, stopped by a Taco Bell on the way home. Luis was one of those joyless healthy types that never ate fast food. I stumbled inside, almost falling headfirst into the plate glass door. Staggering back into the car with my food, interrupting a game of grabass, the inside reeked of Luis’s candy-flavored vape nectar. I was gulping down the burrito in hopes that it would soak up all those shots of tequila, curb their nauseating effects. It didn’t work, but Taco Bell’s still delicious when you’re browning right at the cusp of a full-on blackout. I wiped liquid cheese off my lip.

“You know how much micro-plastic has got to be in that burrito?” The candy cancer mist poured from out his mouth, wisped through the gap of my open window. I could taste the shit in my food when I took a bite.

As Elias’s wingman, it was partly my duty to help him seal the deal. I said, “I don’t give a fuck. You’re literally inhaling shards of metal into your lungs right now, dumbass. You’ve been a dour little bitch all goddamn night, so why don’t you just shut the fuck up, get over yourself and stop ruining my dinner? You self-important sonofabitch, fuck you.” I didn’t really mean it, angry outbursts not being in my nature—but I did it for Elias, knowing he would’ve done the same for me.

Elias said, diplomatically, “Hey, man. How about you head inside and cool off? We’ll be up in a bit.” Luis chuffed, but I could see him patting around at Elias’s groin in the dark, giddy to fuck.

I slammed the door on my way out to really sell the show. Whipping out the dick n balls to piss out some venom in the grass, I shared an enthusiastic thumbs-up with Elias—he knew what I was getting at, and he was stoked. The last I ever saw of Luis was his silhouette shifting to straddle my roommate in the driver’s seat, under the sparse light of the night filtered through a massive oak overhead. I was already passed out when they came back in to screw some more on the couch and smoke off the rest of my grass—which Luis was a huge fan of now, apparently.


Lee Pearson is a writer that lives and works in Northwest Arkansas. He has no credentials or accolades.

The Bee by John Johns

Mid-piss I realised there was a bee there in the toilet bowl, trying to crawl up the side. The stream that’d already left my penis caused the bee to slip back down into the water. But it was not my fault – the trajectory of that initial burst of piss had been determined before I even saw the bee. How could I have known? As the water yellowed, the bee struggled about with its tiny black limbs that were not designed for swimming, and with its cheerful fur sodden. My piss continued unabated. I was really drunk and really needed a piss and could not stop. Then I tried to stop and felt an actual pain in the base of my penis. Generally speaking the bees are in real trouble – I knew this, but the piss did continue. Unabated. In fact my attempt to dam the flow had created a build-up, and the velocity and volume of piss was now even greater than before. I could taste sweat on my lip and, watching this bee tumble and spin underwater somersaults, I knew that it was still a choice. I could be pissing on the floor right now but I wasn’t. I was drowning the bee. That was my choice. Bobbing in and out of sight amid the settling froth, the bee buzzed on, completely lost in the wake of humanity, and then I flushed the toilet and the piss and the tortured bee were rushed off like they were never there at all. So terrible.


John writes from Glasgow. He just finished a novel called ‘A crate that once contained oranges’, excerpts of which have appeared in Back Patio, Lighthouse, and Perverse. In 2019 zimZalla released a book of his. He also runs a journal called Tar Press, publishing new fiction onto Twitter. Their archive features, among others, Amit Chaudhuri and Julianne Pachico. Tar Press is @tar_press

3 poems by Louis Packard

hypebeast hunter x hunter

sold a half to
a good friend
for the low
emo tunes thu the
headphones over hoodie
gonna fight jim morrison in hell
motherfucker never shot a gun
feeling like my home country
constantly at war with
mad as hell
my enemies 
still deserve the best
another call ignored
life without purpose
fine dining at home
making the peppers hotter
making the planet hotter
i’m already hot enough
but i appreciate the consideration
considering getting 
inspired by
the beauty surrounding me
every dam day

caffeine headache at the buffalo wild wings

blow’d out bong water 
onto my bed

the same song 
the hundred’th time

dehydrated on purpose
for no reason 
on a fast bike
for the long nite

double dog doing the dishes

screamo rocks
neil young rocks
soundtrack sucks 
on the tony hawk pro skater remake

i love to fav ur little tweets
lying next to each other
on my bed
two cute squirrels in the tall grass


louis packard lives in chicago, his wife is sleeping on him and their cat is sleeping on her, his new twitter is @ermgrrrrr, his chapbook “rootbeer renaissance” is coming out from wonder press in the summer and he is currently working on a full length of poems/short stories, please buy the chapbook and reach out to publish the full length or he might grab the third rail at work o_0

Bennton by Steve Gergley

When I get home from work on Friday afternoon, I discover a black envelope slipped under the front door of my house. Inside the envelope is a letter from a person who claims to be my long lost brother named Bennton. Though I am an only child, I read the letter out of curiosity.

In the letter, Bennton writes that he has been searching for me for the past twenty-eight years, and that this grueling search has plunged him into an inescapable black hole of depression and sorrow. He writes that because of this depression, he has developed a crippling addiction to Hershey’s Special Dark Chocolate Bars with Almonds. He writes that he is eating one such chocolate bar right now, as he is scribbling this very sentence, but it is the last bar in his possession, and he greatly fears the withdrawal symptoms that will soon follow, because they are horrific and tortuous and entirely not fatal. He writes that he possesses a, “very impressive and very valuable,” (his words, not mine) antique knife collection, and that he is willing to sell/trade any and all of these knives for money that can be used to buy more chocolate bars. He writes that he is very excited to finally meet me after so many years of searching, but then he veers into a tangent explaining that his earlier reference to his knife collection was in no way intended to be athreat, and if he accidentally conveyed that impression to me, he greatly apologizes. He writes that he can’t wait to meet me, his long lost brother, his only surviving blood in this world. He writes that he is waiting for me in my bedroom at the end of the hallway, and he strongly recommends I bring a very large amount of the aforementioned chocolate bars when I return to my bedroom to greet him, because he has laid out his knife collection on top of the soft cotton comforter of my bed, and there are many shameful and horrendous things he has done in the past when starving for a fix.


Steve Gergley is the author of The Great Atlantic Highway & Other Stories (Malarkey Books ’24), Skyscraper (West Vine Press ’23), and A Quick Primer on Wallowing in Despair (Leftover Books ’22). His short fiction has appeared or is forthcoming in X-R-A-Y Literary Magazine, Pithead Chapel, Maudlin House, Passages North, Always Crashing, Rejection Letters, and others. In addition to writing fiction, he has composed and recorded five albums of original music. He tweets @GergleySteve. His fiction can be found at: https://stevegergleyauthor.wordpress.com/

Waffle Home: A Personal History by Sy Holmes

Waffle House is open 24/7/365. No exceptions. Waffle House will keep serving when the South falls again. Waffle House will be open when Chick-Fil-A gets raptured. Waffle House has a dedication that makes the Marines look like amateurs. At Waffle House you can get your hashbrowns:

Smothered
Covered
Chunked
Diced
Peppered
Capped
Topped
Country
&
All The Way

I haven’t tried them all, but I’ve tried a couple. 

I. Smothered & Covered: Lincolnton, NC

I was maybe fourteen, sitting with my Dad in a booth in my hometown. Behind us, a woman was yelling at her friend. 

“I told her ‘he’s thirty-seven, you’re seventeen, good luck honey, he’s just gonna leave you for someone younger.’”

The next time we were there together, the waitress and a guy from out in the county were talking.

“How’s your day goin?” he asks.

“Oh not too good, I was backing out of the driveway on my way over here and I ran over my little dawg. It was just pitiful, you know. My husband had to shoot him.”

The last time I remember going to Waffle House with my Dad, we were there with my little brother because my Mom was out of town. I think we ate Waffle House four nights that week. It was the miserable time of the Carolina winter where it dumps rain and the days are still short. The world felt like hunger. The only other people in the restaurant were a couple and their young son. He kept running back and forth to the jukebox, putting on songs, dancing. He was husky, and he was swinging his hips like late-career Elvis. The kid was born to be a star. Finally, he put “Let’s Get It On” on the box and, as we all avoided eye contact for three-odd minutes, entered a world of soul only available to the motown greats and chubby white kids, and the world felt less hollow.

II. Diced: Harrisonburg, Virginia

I met Cary for the first time at her house in Harrisonburg. I was two hours late because I didn’t have a car, and my ride to town got lost during Army ROTC training. We went to lunch at Waffle House. The waitress told us about Jesus, her grandbabies, and overcoming meth. After lunch, Cary had work until eleven at the nicest restaurant in town, which, surprisingly, wasn’t Waffle House. I had homework, so I posted up at the library to knock it out. The library closed at nine, and I got kicked out, so I relocated to Starbucks, which closed at eleven. Eleven came. No word from Cary. I was 20 and couldn’t get into the bars. Everywhere else was closed. Wintry mix was spitting down outside. I only had one place to go. 

I downed cup after cup of coffee and ate two eggs and hashbrowns. I called my ride. His girlfriend told me he was asleep. I called Tony, who was partying in town. Tony didn’t pick up, because Tony’s a dick. I chatted with another waitress about nothing and watched the drunk crowd trickle in. Two old folks with their grandbaby walked in at two. I was resigned to the fact that I would stay there until dawn. At three, Cary asked me where I was. I told her. She drove over and I met her outside. She’d been caught up at work, she told me: private party, phone died, closing bullshit. I’d had about ten cups of coffee, and I sat in her passenger seat bugging out as we drove back to her house. There wasn’t a second date. I’ll always regret not staying at that Waffle House. 

III. Chopped: Southwest Virginia 

My roommates, friends, and I usually crammed into a booth on Sunday morning, feeling less than holy. Somebody always brought up the time that some guy tried to pay my roommate Jim to have sex with his wife on camera in a Waffle House bathroom. It was actually an IHOP, because Waffle House is a family establishment, but the story sounds better when you say it happened there. 

IV. Peppered: Southwest Virginia, Again

The summer after I graduated, I met one of my professors at Waffle House. He gave me a notebook to take with me when I left for the next chapter of my life. He told me to write in it. I filled it with attempted budgets, workout logs, and to-do lists. The literature of life, some might say, but they’d be wrong. I just wasted a nice notebook. 

V. All the Way: Southwest Virginia, the Last Time

The first time I met Anne she was wearing bandages around her arms because she had poison ivy real bad. I didn’t care. She said it made her look meth-head pretty. We rolled around the backroads of the national forest and talked about the summer camp and flower farm where she used to work. Her dead chicken named Boob. Weird Southern childhood memories. She bought 40s and we drank them while cruising.  We listened to Rick Ross, who was hospitalized at the time, and Townes Van Zandt. We desecrated a Baptist church parking lot and I ripped my pants down the crotch. At the end of the night, too hungry to give a shit, we hit up the only place open at five. I almost fell asleep in my steak & eggs, and then she dropped me off and headed back home over the mountain. It was the first of many trips. 

I can only think of one other Waffle House memory with her. Near the end, hungover after her friend’s birthday party in northern Virginia. Laughing at the table with them all, then riding back south with her through the fog, knowing it was all coming to a close and it wouldn’t be good for either of us. I have a lot of other memories of non-chain diners with her, from New Orleans to DC. But I don’t really want to think about those, and this essay was about Waffle House. 


Sy Holmes is a writer from western North Carolina. He lives in central Montana with other people’s dogs.

Secret by Blake Levario

It’s a big secret. But if i told you it wouldn’t be. The secret would be broken in half. You
take one, I take the other. The secret is cherry flavored. It’s huge. But I can’t tell you.
Sorry. You show me your polaroids but not all of them. I think you have a secret too. Is it
bigger than mine? That makes me want to tell you my secret so you tell me your secret
and we can compare them. This wouldn’t do anything but displace us. The world is big
but my secret is bigger—think: universe sized. Think: bigger than that. Remember that I
carry my secret, and I’m six foot nothing in boots. I’ve been keeping this secret my
whole life. It just built itself a barn. In space. The barn is everywhere. Inside of you, yes.
This secret is so big that it makes up who you are, who I am. So if I love you and you
love me, the secret is shared between us. If you don’t love me and I love you, same
thing. It’s a really big secret. I wish I could tell you.


Blake Levario lives in Brooklyn and collects Snoopy tattoos.

Maze by Josh Calvano

I was downtown the other day for a short bit
It’s been a while
First there was a police car with sirens, then fire trucks, then I watched someone shooting up on the
sidewalk in the sunshine
“I used to be a professional thief”
He says swaying on the spot with one eye shut
“I would never steal from here though; it would be like trying to escape a maze”
I give him a good ol retail
“Yeah, haha crazy”
but secretly i understood what he meant
every day I wander only the safest corridors
free will has evaporated from me
NPC pathing
Through this maze
I’m just trying not to get lost


Jay Calvano works as a supervisor at LEGO in Canada’s capital of Ottawa, When he is not doing that he enjoys long walks into the void and browsing the internet he can be found online on Twitter and Instagram under the handle wutadisaster.

The Invention of the High Five by Joshua Trent Brown

I ask my mom if she remembers the days before the high five and she looks at me as if I just walked into her hospital room with a monkey on my shoulder and he’s wearing a diaper and playing his way through Kenny G’s Greatest Hits. She asks me why I’m asking her about high fives on a day like today. But she can hardly ask this question with the tubes out of her nose and arms and legs and wherever else. I ask her if she knew that the high five wasn’t invented until the late 70s, by a baseball player. She says no one thinks about the implications of the moment they’re in when they’re in it, but no, she didn’t watch baseball. I ask her what they did before high fives then. She says they just did things; they didn’t worry about what they should do after. A doctor comes in and tells us it’s time to prep my mom for surgery. I ask the doctor if she remembers when the high five was invented. She stops pushing my mom out of the room and says that everything will be okay, my mother is in capable hands. The monkey on my shoulder plays on, despite the tiny tremors from my hands’ trembling. He’s made his way through the track list to The Moment now. My mom turns back to me as they push her down the hall and shakes her head at the little guy, as if to say that’s too on the nose. But he just keeps on jamming.


Joshua Trent Brown is a writer from Raleigh, NC, and a fiction editor at JAKE. He has been published in a dozen cool lit mags like HAD and The Dead Mule. He also has a novella that he hopes you’ll want to publish after reading this <3. Find him on Twitter @TrentBWrites.

Two Poems by Pat Boccuzzi

Peter Pan

Forgive me, women.
I am a cruel and insatiable man.
The saga of toys and afternoon naps
has never ended.
The bottle I clutch is a stronger one now,
and the thumb I suck it sometimes yours.

I cannot grasp what should be done
and there’s no kind of effort to do it.

You see, I say, I am a man.
And I’m oh so right for the times.

The Moment

When the cold grasp reaches from the dark and pulls me,
protesting, like a parade fist thrust high in the air,
I will remember the moments I knew it would.

It has always been there.
On the breezes,
under beds,
between pages and breaths,
on the highest shelves,
pushed back against the wall.

It has waited,
taking its time,
knowing that its time is all that matters.

I have seen it.
I have known this.
But I have been distracted by the antics of its effects,
And so I have ignored it,
making great efforts to,
hoping that, if I did not pay it any attention,
it would not pay me a visit.

But I will remember each moment I knew it would.
And it will.


Pat Boccuzzi is a recovering comedian turned writer. A fan of warm weather, he inexplicably lives in Boston, Massachusetts. His storytelling and antics have been featured on NPR affiliates and the Boston Globe. On maudlin nights, he fancies himself a poet.

Worst Neighbor in Town by Alan ten-Hoeve

Our first VCR was a big deal and weekend mornings were for mom’s tapes. She’d kick me out so I couldn’t interrupt the cop shows she recorded that week over the cop shows she recorded the week before. With no friends and nowhere to go I’d wander over to the vacant lot next door and play Star Wars or something. During spring and summer Mr. Calabrese used the lot to grow vegetables, herbs, and fruit he shared with neighbors, leaving bags of fresh food on doorsteps like an agrarian Santa Claus. Sometimes I’d climb the tree in our yard, sit in a cupped fork that rose above the fence, and spy on Mr. C through the leaves as he worked. If he saw me he’d hobble over, pipe clamped in a notched grin, and pass me a handful of berries. One time I asked why he smoked a pipe. “To keep my nose warm,” he said, tapping the side of the pocked rutabaga in the middle of his face.

In winter I had the lot to myself. One cold day in late February a fresh layer of snow covered last year’s garden rows. A good enough day to battle a Wampa on Hoth. But I didn’t feel like playing Star Wars. After dragging my heels back and forth between rows I pried a board from a stack of pallets Mr. C used for trellising, then kicked through the pile of rocks he tilled up over the years. I selected the roundest one I could find. Hefted its weight. Stepped up to an imaginary plate, and got into a batting stance. I never played baseball before. Didn’t really know the rules. The only thing my dad showed me how to swing was his belt. But I’d seen it portrayed in enough TV shows and movies to have an idea. I imagined the classic scenario: bottom of the ninth, bases loaded, two outs. My team down by three runs.

Sunlight hit the salted cars parked along the curb. Reflected off the cloudy panels of the beater Mr. Calabrese used to deliver crops to neighbors. The block looked deserted. Everyone was at church or nestled inside their warm houses. I was alone. It felt good. I looked out as if I was the center of attention in a packed stadium.

I tossed the rock up, swung. Strike one. Strike two. Strike two and a half. “Fuck.” I stepped back from the plate. Spit. Took a few deep breaths. I tapped my sneakers with the board like I’d seen on TV. Spit again. Twice. Three times in a row for good luck. Stepped back up to the plate. Eyed the pitcher. Tossed the rock. This time I felt it connect. The crack of rock on wood popped my ears and a shockwave ran down the board, through my wrists, up my arms. The crowd came unglued. I dropped the board. Heard the announcer say, “Go-ing . . . Go-ing . . . GONE! HOME RUN!”

I followed my teammates around the bases at an easy jog. Took off my baseball cap and waved. A muted crunch stopped me before reaching home plate. I turned toward the sound with a primal knowing that drew my eyes to the rock resting in a crater of spiderwebbed glass that had once been the windshield of Mr. Calabrese’s truck. The stadium full of cheering fans disintegrated and John Street stood naked and cold. I forgot all about home plate and ran home. Went straight to the bathroom, the only room with a window that looked out over the vacant lot. I could feel my heart beating in my ears. Certainly someone must have seen me or heard the crunch. But no one appeared. The block was silent. Still, I knew it was only a matter of time. All day I waited for that knock on the door. When the waiting was too much I closed myself in the bathroom to watch the scene. Each time I had this absurd hope that I’d look out and see that the windshield was fine. That I’d imagined the whole thing. When I saw it wasn’t fine I played with the idea that some other event had brought the rock down into the windshield before I got there. I simply hadn’t noticed. By my sixth or seventh trip to the bathroom Mom paused her tape and eyed me through the cigarette smoke and told me to stop slamming the door.

Sometime before dark I looked out the bathroom window and felt all the tiny hairs on my body buzz. Mr. Calabrese stood by his truck with a policeman. He was shrugging and gesturing at the broken windshield with his pipe as the cop wrote something on a pad. I couldn’t make out what they were saying over the idling cruiser.

In the following days and weeks I waited for a knock on the door. For a policeman to cuff me and take me away. But no one ever came. No one ever said anything. I’d gotten away with it. I felt like the worst neighbor in town. But that was easy. My conscience I could deal with. What worried me was what my mom would do if she found out what I’d done to Mr. C. I decided right then and there not to tell a soul. And I never will.


Alan ten-Hoeve wrote a book called Notes from a Wood-Paneled Basement (Gob Pile Press). He is a decent neighbor.

Two Poems by Jessica Knight

North Star

holy guide of getting lost
unflinching witness to all who become
a part of the place they’re stuck
dragon-inked sky star of ever-changing shape
won’t you glow in glow out glow down
my feet can’t find
spaces to fill
places to leave
my dirty toes make
reluctant homes
of deepening holes
awaiting the awakening
light from your 8 points
spin your salvation heel-ward
before i’m swallowed
into loam and clay

Old Song, New Worlds

beneath my breast is an open beak
with a throat that gleams
and croaks an old song
a naked tune
that shines
I spring; small, tender
teary-eyed and strong
from the detritus of a spent dream
raw, precious, without polish
there is no thing in me or on me to hide
light is low, senses high
orange peel black tea and blossoms
call this hungry bird forward
there is ripe fruit, enough for two
me and the darker shape that follows at my feet
showing me with each bite
how to get free
bellies full from food sweet and bitter
we walk on
bare heels building new worlds
as we hum and howl
to the sky


Jessica Knight is an Arizona-based artist, tarot reader and seeker of the weird and wondrous. Endlessly inspired by what she can’t fully understand, she writes, paints and divines to get closer to it. See what she’s up to at www.cathartistaura.com

3 Poems from Phallic Symbols by Cletus Crow

Literary Dystopian Society 

There are too many words I don’t know. 
The poets are coming to kill me. 

The Masochistic Slug

If you need a shoulder to cry on. Oh baby. Yes. Just like that. It burns. 

My Religious Beliefs

A ghost without a sheet is the breeze. Strong winds are a bunch of naked ghosts running a race. A tornado is when they get lost. Their tears are the rain, obviously. The sun is a big ghost on fire. The sky is the biggest ghost. His nail clippings are the moon most nights. The clouds are dandruff or cum. 


Cletus Crow is a writer. He is a weirdo. Phallic Symbols is forthcoming from Pig Roast Publishing. 

You Go Get Her! by Brittany Deitch

I tried going to the aquarium to make it up to myself. But I just ended up there crying to get out, and thinking about how none of the living things there had a choice. I ended up drowning myself in the tank with all the pink ones, hoping they’d give me my color back and blend. But worst of all, I never even went. I couldn’t. I really wanted to but I just couldn’t. We were supposed to go after our dinner the night before Valentine’s Day, but we fought and fought and I think we would’ve gotten there and it would’ve been closed. I checked the times (you said you had checked the times). It closes at 4 pm on Tuesday. Dinner was at 4:15. We were fighting until 10:35. I did think that I could love you into being yourself or being here or being with me. I always knew but I really didn’t want to, so I just stopped knowing. I think that all the pink fish swam inside and entered me through my mouth, making me as large as the tank and stretching my skin thin against the glass like a shield, like a covering, like protection. For the fishes. Wait, but what did you see? If it was a different sort of image, or a dream, I can let myself be wrong. A second opinion doesn’t hurt. I know you’re not even seeing this, here, at the Camden Aquarium, but I know that you wish you were so I’d be willing to bend my reality a little. So you can feel INCLUDED. Nobody saw when they were walking by– it was like I was invisible. All you need is an alibi. Where were you at 10:35 pm, February 13th, when the Camden Aquarium fish tank exploded with pieces of a real girl’s FLESH? Could you identify this body? Do you even recognize her stuffed full of FISH who STRETCHED through her SKIN? They were only trying to help her get her aura back. They went in through her mouth like food, they went through her veins and inside every inch like YOU, they covered her in scales. Each prickly octagon INGRAINED IN THE SKIN, PINCHING SKIN, ELEVATED AN INCH ABOVE, had words. She ended up with writing all over her body. She left notes. All of these things she wanted to do, how she thought of you. If only you’d come by and read it all. She knew you’d like that, to be TALKED ABOUT. FOR HOURS. BY EVERYONE. For it to all be so ROMANTIC and TREACHEROUS. And about you! But you couldn’t make it. The aquarium closed, and you had do what was best for you.


Brittany Deitch is a Philadelphia college grad, music scene denier, and stream-of-consciousness writer. She currently writes for Paste Magazine, runs/edits Ratpie Friends, and has words in Rejections Letters, Maudlin House, and Bottlecap Press. She writes on Substack at https://theworstpersonintheworld.substack.com/

The F*cking Birds by Jenn Salcido

Oprah Winfrey can tell you about the great bowerbird; the queen of all media seems impressed, for what it’s worth.

I once had this nature documentary on DVD, is how she was talking to me. I heard her narrating its courtship rituals, watching while it built its sex tent. Beautiful twigs, fine beans, pearlescent berries dot the floor of its woven house, waiting for some ladybird to pass by. Oprah calls it a common bird, and I don’t know how she can say that with a straight face. It’s like a diabolical realtor, selling dreams to its many mates. This could be yours, the bird whispers. No money down.

When birds fuck, they hover, kind of.

It’s not like rutting, not like banging until the bedsprings break. It’s gentle and dignified and over in a flash. That part isn’t fun for anyone, sure, but it’s better than watching a frog laboring through the murk of a pond, carrying another angry frog on its back. It’s better than watching a tomcat rape a tabby. Like all things with birds, there’s only a suggestion of movement – a shadow of lovemaking.

You wonder whether you actually saw it happen, or if you were misunderstanding. If you blinked, you could still convince yourself that you’d seen it. Have you ever seen a hummingbird, or thought you saw a bug, only to realize it’s a hummingbird? That’s one of their greatest tricks – we’re never sure what they’re up to; they’re not as vulgar as we are, not all about airing their dirty laundry.


Jenn Salcido is a writer based in Los Angeles, CA.

The Rising Sun by Alannah Guevara

A tree hangs loose in autumn breeze

Listening intent for the next truth to make itself apparent

Whetting its roots against the blue river pebbles

Thirsting for an opportunity of adventure to arise

Perhaps, the next bird will bring more than the scent

On the back of its wings

Perhaps, the earth will hear its pleas for freedom and—

—wait, wait, are you even listening to me?

No no no, I mean it; don’t try to play dumb

You totally checked out

You looked like fucking Linda Blair with your eyes rolled back

And I definitely saw you wipe the drool from your lips, you nasty

Am I that boring to you? That you can’t even sit through

One goddam poem about the wonders of nature without tuning out?

Have a little respect! I pull my teeth crafting this shit

I agonize over the placement of words that so few people read to begin with

And you just march on in here and pretend to read my poem

For fucking what? What the hell were you expecting to find? Because

I sure as hell ain’t the next McCarthyBukowskiEliotSalingerWhitmanPlathBurroughsFuckwadMcgee

I. don’t. even. want. to. be.

All I want is to write plucky little poems without bleeding myself dry

But voyeuristic assholes like you just want to see me suffer

Right? Admit it. You came here to get off

To watch another living, breathing, feeling human being

Take a rusty fucking scalpel to the abdomen, dig jagged and deep

Slowly, methodically, orgasmically

You want me to pull, inch by inch, intestines from the gash

And arrange them on the page, just so, in a beautiful, grotesque cursive

That describes, in cancerous detail, the searing pain

That I swallow like a hunk of meat in my windpipe

So you can watch me choke sans culpability

Well, that numbness you feel—I refuse to be your metaphysical therapist

You’ve been so desensitized. It’s actually sad

You used to enjoy poetry about beauty and love

You used to connect with joy and the rising sun

But you’ve become so twisted, don’t deny it

You’re searching for snuff and you don’t even have the self-awareness to use incognito mode

You sick fuck.

Well, fuck you. You wanna feel something for once? Here’s my scalpel

It’s yours for the taking

But you’ll have to show me the blinding pink of your insides

And let’s just see what comes out.


Alannah Guevara is a poet-wife and vilomah. Find her published works by floating around in the aether (or in Revolution John, Isele Magazine, Toyon, and Rejection Letters). Alannah is the editor-in-chief of Hunter’s Affects: a lit mag for deadheads. Alannah is on Twitter @prismospickle.

OSTKREUZ by Thomas Huntington

the shape was a lower case ‘l’

or maybe a tick

a bit of lettuce

made of plastic

:in a pile of my spit on the wall at OSTKREUZ

think thin plastic

like you could stretch it around but

it would retain its shape unless

you stretched it too much

I was wearing a HD camera 

strapped to my head and 

looking through the viewfinder

I had made a very good/not very good

attempt at fitting in

I touched it to make sure

very gently so it 

wouldn’t freak everyone out

but everyone was 

already pretty freaked out


Thomas Huntington is a writer from Melbourne, Australia. He has written for Grattan Street Press, Apocalypse Confidential, Post-Human Magazine as well as a column for Bruiser Magazine. He is the founder and indentured servant of Soyos Books.

12 Poems by md wheatley

Closing your eyes
Doesn’t mean
Life doesn’t happen

*

I can see
Thru the window
The world in bloom

*

Theo said,
Don’t worry. Don’t stew.
You’ll start happening too.


*

God said,
Watch me light this shit on fire
(Talking about the sky)

*

What if
I cut off my ear
Like Vincent?

*

What if
We kissed
In front of Mona Lisa?

*

What if
Words that meant a lot
Still mean a lot?

*

What if
The stratus blanket
Fell and smothered us?

*

Dog spelled backwards
Is God
But you knew that

*

Enuf spelled backwards
Is fune
Which isn’t a word

*

Thinking about
That Cummings line of poetry
Tattooed on Tiny’s arm

*

Thinking about deth
Because how do you
Not


md’s a husband, father, and writer living in charleston, sc. he wrote a book called what a heaven could feel like. he’s currently working on 2 more books. visit his website at mdwheatley.us.

Art credit: Mike Andrelczyk

Review of Graham Irvin’s I Have a Gun by Hank K Jost

The man that taught me to read proper was a fairly distinguished professor in Indiana University’s Comparative Literature department. He was held in well enough regard to have been trusted not only to teach rhyme-blind wannabees like myself, but also to have been given the King James Bible by Norton for to clean up. I do not know if he’s still alive. All I know is he could turn a line of Wallace Stevens into an uninterruptible two-hour lecture. That ancient and corduroyed exegete held it as gospel that ‘Poetry is language operating at its maximum capacity…’—but, this Irvin fella’s gotta gun and says I ought to write about his book, not my incomplete course of study.

In so far as language’s capacity is concerned, you’d be hard-pressed to find four words more full-up (which is to avoid saying loaded) than Graham Irvin’s titular declaration—I Have a Gun. To riff on Irvin’s premise: a six-shooter revolver, of whatever make and model you wish, is only at its maximum capacity when it’s loaded. Unloaded, it’s a paperweight at worst, a blunt impact weapon at its best; it could perhaps also be, depending on the owner’s temperament, decorative, a keepsake, a hollow intimidation, or, hell, a phallic compensation. These are all aspects of Graham’s object, and I Have a Gun explores most of them in a fashion that is obsessively thorough. This example, though, this loaded pistol doing its damnedest, doesn’t quite hit on capacity the way I mean to make it mean in terms of Poetry…

I had a gun. I’ve had several, being honest. But only one stands as metaphor for the spirit of Irvin’s text—indulge me here, Graham, keep that finger off the trigger if you can, I’m building something here—the gun I had was an Ithaca 12-guage. I got it for my twelfth birthday, I believe. My father and I bought it at a pawn shop in Statesboro, Georgia. Special thing about it, other than its being mine and significant for that fact alone, was that it came unplugged. This is some illegal ass hick shit, but keeping it short, unplugged means the sucker was modified in such a way that I could load it past the legal limit of three shells. I think it was nine I could get in there at a time, maybe twelve… depends on how big a boy you are. Another uncommon feature was its slam-action. No pump, jack in the next shell, and pull the trigger. Just pull the trigger, Boom!, hold the trigger and pump until she’s emptied out. Last thing, the monster didn’t have a choke, just raw cylinder, so the shot come out spread all the way from the get—That gun was Poetry. Nothing added to it, just shit taken off it—unplugged, unchoked, unsafe—paired down to its maximum capacity.

This is the fundamental strength of Irvin’s project—this pairing down. Irvin truly understands his subject’s immediacy. His central image, the gun of whatever changing sort, is an object jam-packed not only with meaning, but with consequence. The title’s threat serves a time-breaking, future-opening function of fantasy. Once the gun is, once the poet has given it to himself, and once he’s told us he’s got it, there’s not much more that needs to be said. Irvin’s poetry, line by line, keeps itself lean for this sake. All that needs naked utterance is, and will always be, ‘I have a gun.

True or not, this utterance shatters the world. Irvin plays his game among the broken pieces of a formerly placid reality. Threat leveled, the first three sections of Irvin’s collection do the work to parse out every register his four frightful words, culminating—to my reading—in a longer poem nestled in the third section: 

‘…but it’s all for naught 
since they’ve shriveled [re: the narrator’s testicles]
to butter beans
because there’s an inherent 
well-established inarguable 
customer-worker hierarchy 
if only there was
a way to change this 
maybe a gun 
ha ha 
I don’t know 
it could work 
maybe…’

If only a gun—then everything would turn out as it ought to. The fantasy. The presence of a powerful object to immediately render null the world as it’s come to be, to further shape it in the image of the weapon’s wielder.

Now Irvin gets to the real work: What of this fantasy? The metaphor of the gun falters for there being, in reality and among the living, guns and bodies left bleeding. 

Onward from the fourth section of his collection Irvin sets about a blending of form—The opening salvo of which is a jarring dip into prose. There’s an oft-quoted sentiment from Faulkner about the hierarchy of literary form, something along the lines of every prose writer being a failed poet; if I am to be critically transparent, it must be said here that this sudden eruption of prosaic languor in a work so swift and terse was not warmly greeted by my reading. But Irvin’d made an ironclad case toward trusting him in the first chunks of his book, so any kind reader must continue on and follow the man… He’s got a gun, after all. Do as he says, and no one gets hurt.

I hold it as a sacred tenet that the prime responsibility of the poet is to do as Whitman does with himself on the Brooklyn Ferry: Make one’s subject universal. Metaphor is the force in language which stitches the pieces of reality into its whole—it makes the one many and the many one. This is no small task. Even with this conviction held tight, pushing through Irvin’s sudden change in mode, the feeling that the poet has in some way failed ebbs to ease.

The gun’s potential as poetic object—once we’ve taken every dick joke and run the gauntlet of comic violence—must come into question. The limits of the thing must be dealt with. A gun is no rose, it is no image on a Grecian urn… No crucifixion… No road less traveled…

From the recurring character of a Belgian arms manufacturer during Nazi occupation to tender personal history, Irvin drags us through the shift from myth to experience, then from narrative to data. This is Irvin’s greatest turn: Instead of rendering the gun as any other poet would, somehow making it mean everything, he shows us its banality, its ever-presence in our culture and history. Irvin need not universalize the gun—it is imminent. It is already a small, angry god.

By the end, as if the lowering of register from Poetry to Prose wasn’t heartbreaking enough, Graham starts to list. For the sake of fun ranking games, the List must be the lowest of forms. Those that do it well, that string together innumerable word-objects in a manner that is at all compelling, are hard to find and often, if at all modern, of an ancienter temperament—Whitman, again, comes to mind. Robert Burton may be the ultimate master of the list, but I’ll never finish his book. Irvin is aware of his list’s banality, popping in occasionally to check on the reader, taunt them, plead with them to just keep going and allow the information to sink in. Gun against your head, don’t stop reading: 

‘…On January 18, one person was killed in a mass shooting. On January 19, three people were killed in a mass shooting. Do you feel a cognitive dissonance between the word “mass” and the number “one?” On January 23, ten people were killed in a mass shooting. I know what you’re thinking: “Thank God I get to properly mourn.” On January 27, one person was killed in a mass shooting…’

There’s no small amount of grace between Irvin and his reader. He’s chosen a tricky subject, and his voice is not one that comforts. Though the book comes to final rest with a series of haiku, formatted as to seem afloat on the page, the project continues on his Twitter: 

BELIEVE GUNS
9:46 AM · Jan 21, 2024 

A GUN SHOULD WIN THE NOBEL PRIZE
9:39 AM · Jan 21, 2024 

YOU’RE IN HER DMS I HAVE A GUN
10:15 PM · Jan 17, 2024 

IF A GUN IS WET THAT SYMBOLIZES BAPTISM WHICH IS A TYPE OF REBIRTH OR IT’S HORNY
10:41 PM · Jan 17, 2024

FAST GUN BY TRACY CHAPGUN
10:07 PM · Jan 17, 2024

THE SHORTEST VERSE IN THE BIBLE IS GUN WEPT
9:25 AM · Jan 17, 2024

And the joke comes full circle. The gun is everywhere. It is our reality. Nothing near a poem…

You can put it down now, Graham. I’ve finished. I liked the book. Quite a lot.

Easy does it…


K Hank Jost is a writer of fiction born in Texas and raised in Georgia. He believes language is the only remaining commons, and through its meaningful deployment all lost commons may be rendered fresh. He is the author of the novel-in-stories Deselections, the novel MadStone, and is editor-in-chief of the literary quarterly A Common Well Journal–produced and published by Whiskey Tit Books. His fiction and poetry have been recently featured in Vol.1 Brooklyn, The Burning Palace, and Hobart. He is currently seeking representation for his newest novel, Aquarium, while he works on his fourth book. He has led fiction workshops at the Brooklyn Center for Theatre Research and writes event reviews for the New Haven Independent. Residing in Brooklyn with his partner, he reads as much as he can, writes as much as he can, and works as much as he must. Instagram: @hank_being_a_better_ape Twitter: @hank_jost

Update by Rick Claypool

My phone downloaded an update and now it shoots lasers. I noticed after I heard people talking about it at the bus stop. A guy on a bench in a hat like an oversized inside-out sock said, “Check out this shit.” Then he accidentally lasered off this old guy’s leg. He crouched over him and kept saying, “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” as the old guy convulsed in the patch of grass where people let their dogs shit.

The bus was emptier than usual. An unusual number of buildings we passed were on fire. I saw some kids run down a side street carrying severed heads by their hair.

At work, nobody had turned on the coffee pot yet. Some of my co-workers were always saying the company should spluge on one of those machines that brews coffee instantly out of little disposable pods. Seeing the empty pot and realizing I didn’t know where the filters were kept or if the pot needed washed, I understood.

I found my colleagues in the conference room crowded around the flat-screen TV. Onscreen, an expensive car wound over mountains and past rock formations and disappeared into the desert. Then: live coverage of laser chaos in schools, airports, grocery stores, movie theaters, hair salons, and Congress.

The boss never showed up. No one got anything done.

That night in the middle of dinner, our kid pulled out his phone.

We said, “No phones at the table.” He acted like he didn’t hear us.

Instead of him putting his phone away, my wife and I suddenly discovered we had our phones out too.

Then the doorbell rang and we all jumped. It’s a loud doorbell.

It was the lady from next door. We never talk to her. There’s no good reason we never talk to her. She handed me a plateful of pie. “Try it,” she said.

“Mmmm,” I said. “Delicious.”

“I sliced the apples with the new app,” she said.

“Wow,” I said.

“Can you help me dial an ambulance?” she said, holding her fingerless hand up between us. “I lasered them off.”

Inside, I discovered that my wife and child had lasered each other into piles of laser-sliced meat.

Somehow, those piles of laser-sliced meat were still capable of operating their phone lasers well enough to laser me into a pile of laser-sliced meat too.

Somehow, even as a pile of laser-sliced meat, I was able to call an ambulance for our fingerless neighbor.

Somehow, when the ambulance arrived, sirens blaring, there was a moment when it seemed like everything might be ok.

And in that moment, I looked at my laser-sliced wife and my laser-sliced child with my laser-sliced eyes. I thought, future, here we come.

Then an EMT dragged our screaming fingerless neighbor through the piles of us.


Rick Claypool is the author of SKULL SLIME TENTACLE WITCH WAR (Anxiety Press, 2024), THE MOLD FARMER (Six Gallery Press, 2020), and LEECH GIRL LIVES (Spaceboy Books, 2017). He lives in Rhode Island.

Nobody told me about Sisyphus until just now by Rebecca Grace Cyr


My very own personal puppy is the size of a teacup. She will stay that size forever. I hold her in one hand and hold her purse in the other and everyone is so jealous of me. I keep telling them back off. I keep telling them don’t touch. I keep telling them some day the puppy will be full grown and she will come and kill them. But the puppy will never be fully grown. My very own personal puppy is the size of a teacup and she will never be full grown. When I go to bed at night, the puppy curls up on a pillow above my pillow. She watches over me and the apartment because the puppy never sleeps. Sometimes I wonder if the puppy still gets tired or maybe even wants to sleep, but can’t, and so is stuck in this endless state of being that is like rolling that rock up that hill. Then I stop wondering about her and I go back to sleep. She gets cold because she’s so tiny, so I took up knitting little scarves for her. She doesn’t like sweaters but she will do a scarf. It drapes over her body hamburger style and she lets the bottoms drag as she walks from room to room. When I put her on a leash and she pulls in one direction and I pull in the other, she levitates. She lifts off the ground from the tension of the leash and for a second, you can see so much air beneath her. In those times, the scarf no longer drags on the floor. They both float. I try to imagine what it would be like to be her and have the world so big, but I can’t do it. I try to imagine what her food tastes like when she crunches down with her tiny tiny teeth and what kind of flavors she’s experiencing if they aren’t the ones I’m having, but I can’t do it. I can’t imagine the world so big, or those flavors I’ve never tasted; I have always had a hard time getting outside of myself. Before she tucks me in at night, I look into the puppy’s eyes and try to imagine her happy, but I can’t do that either.


Rebecca Grace Cyr’s writing has appeared on Maudlin House and Muumuu House. She has a substack (urban germ) and a twitter (@madamepsycho_)

WHEN I SAID UNCLE by Gabriel Hart

My mother flew in—
we drove somberly
from all direction
a reverse vacation
emergency
uninvited and overstaying
its welcome

over the river
a bridge too far
Grandma’s daughter
announced our arrival
yet we are lost
in spite and
inside of
uncle’s spiral

he bled her dry
feeding her nothing
except burnt toast
so at least she’d stay alive
and to keep her warm
he gathered enough garbage
to block out the sky

Not a home, but a pigsty
where not even the rats
could stand a chance
among the mice, mummified

and why
are there hundreds
of rusty knives
beneath his bed
next to photos of women
he took
in various stages
of undress?

We attempt to clean
but stay busy
gagging
dry heaving
with nowhere to turn
is it bile
or another
lump in our throat
neglected, in spite
of the burn

both toilets are full
of attempted
dysentery
and if you’re thirsty
there are plenty
of bottles
of piss
(his collection of S.O.S.
in jaundice)

All I want to ask:
why do we say uncle
in place of
mercy
when impacted

like rooted bone
decayed to fang
agape, he
has been
extracted


Gabriel Hart is a writer from California’s high desert. His two volumes of poetry Unsongs and Hymns From the Whipping Post are out now. His debut novel On High At Red Tide will be out in spring ’24 from Pig Roast Publishing.

Sleepwalk by Sylvie Pingeon

I turn twenty-one in Budapest. My family is here, visiting me, and we go out to dinner. It is August and warm and my birthday. I wear a new dress and I order a drink. No one IDs me. I’m twenty-one, and I keep on asserting that it’s not that exciting. 

There’s a story my family always recounts on my birthday, one about the day I turned eleven. My whole extended family had gathered in the living room to celebrate. Night had fallen, the gift-giving was over. We’d all eaten cake, and I’d pretended to look shy as they sang the happy birthday song. Then I’d stood up tall on the armrest of the couch, announced I had a few words to say. 

“This was the best birthday ever,” I’d said. Thank you for the presents. I’d paused. Waited a beat. “I just–” I’d continued. “I just cannot help but regret my fading youth.” 

The crowd must have laughed at this punchline. I’m sure I gave an impish smile. Maybe I even bowed.  

And so a decade goes by and I’m in my twenties and this is the youth which everyone talks about. In my communism class, the teacher asserts, “it can be a general feeling that you are happier in your twenties then, say, in your seventies.” She’s talking about nostalgia for communism among older Hungarians but all I can think about is yesterday, in the subway, when I looked at my reflection distorted by wavy plastic and saw an old woman looking back. I write down this teacher’s words, though I’m not entirely sure why. 

I keep a daily journal. Dutifully, I mark down pages, calculating how much I have to write a day to fill every single page. I put my dreams there, my night sweats, my bowel movements. It was supposed to be a memory log or perhaps even the beginning of a My Novel. Mainly, though, I paste in old receipts I find crumpled in my pockets and pretend as if I’m writing something real.

It’s hard to write something cohesive about an era you’re still in, and no one cares about My Year Abroad. But I’ve been itching to write lately and not knowing how. It’s a feeling I’m not used to; this disconnect between language and thought, a lack of rhythm, words I force together instead of simply allowing to flow out. 

It must stem from limbo; from four months of a life outside the context of Myself. No strings, no tangles but that also means no anchors, no tethers between the moment and the self. 

I decide I want to write fiction again. I want to tell stories and make up characters. I’m bored of the personal essay, bored of myself. I ask my mom to send me the fiction prompts she gives her students. I read through half of one, open TikTok, try to go to bed.


Sylvie Pingeon is a junior at Wesleyan University, with work featured in Expat Press, both online and in print.

Tongues by Jade Mar

Techno blasts through the speakers at 150 bpm shaking the room. All heartbeats were synchronized. The only way to tell your friend who dragged you here that you’ll piss yourself if you don’t run to the bathroom is to lean in real close. Your hand on her shoulder, sticky, the true stench of humanity fills the room, bodies facing one another, your nose may brush her ear as you say, “Bathroom.” She looks you in the eye and nods. Hands held tight, you may wiggle your way in and out of thrusting bodies. You haven’t touched this many people in ages. You are struck by how intimate this very unromantic moment can be. Their eyes generally remain closed. Or I suppose, how would you know? You can barely make out a single face, only undulating silhouettes occasionally illuminated by hazy strobe lights.

The snaking line leading up to the toilet moves quickly. A drunk acquaintance places her hand on the back of your neck and places her head on your clavicle. She tells you how much she loves you. You say it back for good measure. She sees the rest of her friends whom she arrived with and runs off. Another moment passes that stays only within this night. Somebody’s drink splashes onto your $20 eBay Dansko clogs. The sole has been tearing away from the body anyway, it’s about time for a new pair.

You approach the entrance. Stepping forward, the ground feels a bit odd, lumpy even. You walk towards your goal anyways, you’re about to piss yourself remember? You look down and notice the ground walk upon is an out-of-place carpet. A tuft of hair sticks out of the part nearest the sink. Carry on. The tiling is black and reflective. A crying girl sits on the sink sighing unintelligible sighs to her supportive, lucid, friend. The lucid one with the long black hair helps her down with an arm around her shoulder. They exited the bathroom and headed towards the Uber.

You and your friend enter the first empty stall together as is tradition. It is narrow, and adorned with stainless steel opposed to the tiles on the other side of the locked door. A blue light bulb makes visible the sharpie signatures surrounding you two. “@king.val.68” “Clear eyes, Full hearts, Can’t lose” “GMK”

You go first, carefully hovering over the piss-lined, stainless steel toilet seat. Your friend digs in her around her purse, her shoulder towards your forehead. She pulls out a dime bag filled a third of the way with white powder, her cracked iPhone 13, a Chase credit card, and a piece of a deli straw. She faces the phone with its back towards the light tipping the baggy forwards, carefully tapping the powder onto the phone. She cuts the powder into two fat lines with the short end of her credit card. Straw in her nose with the other hand on the line, she inhaled. You pull up your underwear and jeans in the same motion. She gestures for you to partake in the ritual and you accept. As practiced, you mirror her actions. Inhaling, you feel an electrical current striking through the back of your skull. Your corresponding eyeball to your chosen nostril begins to water. She unlocks the door and you two head out only to be met with the image of yourselves in the panoramic mirror.

She says something inaudible. Before I have a chance to respond, she grabs my hand and we head back onto the dark smoky dancefloor. My head throbs to the beat. I begin to feel light, like a helium balloon, like I could float up out of this club and into the sky. The feel of her skin against mine returns me to Earth. We’re in the heart of the crowd. Someone’s crouch is on my ass. My mouth is breathing down a stranger’s neck. She lets go of my hand and I lose her. I make a slow 360 to find a comfortable and find my nose pointed towards a silver chain reflecting red light. Tilting my chin up I am facing someone beautiful.


Jade Mar is a 23-year-old adventurer based in San Francisco, California. After her third University in 6 years, she is contemplating whether or not to drop out of college. She enjoys browsing forums and staring at the ocean. 

jademar.net

Alley Cat by Erin

I am going to fucking kill myself. Wait no nevermind I’m fine. Last night I had sex in the most 2009 way possible (I was wearing tube socks). It was with an old flame that I had met five months prior. He was my second rebound after my devastating break up with my musician boyfriend. It’s hard to get over someone that keeps getting recommended to you on Spotify.

Now I walk into the night swinging my hips like an alley cat. I cry out for the boys and they come running. I do not eat, I do not sleep, I barely breathe. I get a cold once a month. I get fleas twice a month. I twirl under disco lights. Sometimes when I think about the future I only see darkness. I lift my arms up to the disco heaven lights. Sometimes it reaches back to me. I twirl around the dance floor. I keep twirling, twirling and twirling and every time I think I am about to fall, someone grabs me and takes me home.

Last night, Ben fell for my old charm and he took me in for the night.

“This feels so porn coded,” I laughed while laying in just my tube socks, “should we roleplay?”

“Sure,” he said hovering his body over mine.

“Oh I’m the cheer captain and I can’t believe I’m about to fuck….” I looked at him up and down, “the school janitor”

“What the fuck?” he said.

“You’re the one wearing Carhartt!” I responded defensively.

He proceed to fuck me in a way that prevented me from telling anymore jokes. After sex, the cuddling is usually sweet and tender. Part of me wonders if that’s the trade off. I remember what it is like to be in love and I am so good at being in love. The kisses on the cheek in the morning and running my hands through his hair. I am better at being in love than I am at being a person.

While laying there in our sweet sweat, mimicking love I realized that I considered us more like longtime old pals than passionate lovers. Like we were two young boys who once shared a homosexual experience at summer camp and went on to marry other women and never speak of it again. But one day I call him on the phone 20 years later and it’s the same as old times. “How the hell are you David…You haven’t changed a bit Robert…” I told Ben all of this and he really did not like it. He dropped me off. The car ride was silent.


Erin is a writer based in Los Angeles. She co-hosts a monthly reading series in Los Angeles called Car Crash Collective. Her work can be found in Forever Magazine and Spectra Poets. Twitter: @blatherwhick , Instagram: @Suburban_cutie_ 

Three Poems by Ben Niespodziany

Myth

The billionaire becomes a balloon. The trillionaire is eaten on live tv. The weapon ends world hunger but also ends everyone without a certain type of ear. We escape unscathed. Who am I kidding? We’re not saved. We’re in the rubble. We’re in the muffled chimney. This is only winning if you look at the stars.

Unhurried Surgery

Scalpel. Deadbolt. Chainsaw . Monkey wrench.
The waiting room was being fumigated.
The ancient doctor would never be done.

3×3

Inside of a large trench coat, three children balance as man. They sit down for dinner. The sole visible skull orders three bowls of soup. When no one is looking, they break from the coat and with quickness slurp. Finished, they return to the coat and resemble a man. The waiter is impressed with this man, taking away the three empty bowls. When the waiter’s shift is over, he turns back into three children, splitting a cigarette, sifting through tips.


Benjamin Niespodziany is a Chicago-based writer. His debut poetry collection was released last year through Okay Donkey and his novella of stage plays is out now with X-R-A-Y. You can find more at neonpajamas.com.


The Nokia Phone Underneath the Bleachers by Jonny Bolduc

In 2004, I slipped out of the pocket of Ian Thomas’ denim JNCO jorts and fell into the darkness
deep beneath the gym bleachers at Cumberland Hills Middle School. Ian’s jorts had a bulldog
patch on the back pocket. They were sick.

For Ian, the consequences of my neglectful dissapearance were fleeting; he had to wash his
dad’s car and couldn’t play Halo for a weekend. He had a new phone a week later.

Me? I faced a solitary prison. My battery stayed alive for a month, and everytime someone
called Ian, “Come Out and Play” by the Offspring rang out in the cavernous purgatory. My
neighbors? A crumpled up Gogurt wrapper. Dust. A desiccated Cheeto. A clove cigarette that
fell out of Ryan Ashbin’s pocket in 2006; crumpled up detention slips; later, an influx of Silly
Bandz and Livestrong Bracelets.

For nineteen years, I could smell only buttsweat and Axe; in 2007, a gym sock fell a few inches
from me and I prayed for the vicious odor to be fumigated. The massive quaking and
reverberations from pep rallys; the secret conversations. Usher on loop during school dances.

I have been a silent witness.

A witness to conversations soaked in the melodrama of existing, for a moment, as a thirteen year
old. You remember, right? How you simultaneously knew everything and nothing; sweaty, trying
desperately to latch onto something, anything that made sense. Everything single conversation
felt like forever, like it was the totality of everything. But I saw them pulled away by time, out of
the school, away and into the world. A collection of tiny moments, faded into the ether, that at
one time, to some kid, mattered more than anything else.

Vince Garcia scrambling up the bleachers, tears in his eyes, huddled at the top corner,
hyperventilating. Prinicipal Bennet following shortly behind him, his massive body creaking up
the bleachers, gently coaxing Vince to come back to class.

“It’s my dad,” Vince croaked. “He’s dying.”

Rosie Blair admitting to her best friend that she cut herself. Tom Gatlin coming out to his best
friend. Macie Howard breaking up with Danny Evans and dating Howie Grant and then getting
back together with Danny and Danny’s ex-Tracey Young jumping Macie and pulling her hair. A
debate that almost devolved into a fistfight over whether Bigfoot existed in San Andreas.

I have seen the years pass by through the cracks in the bleachers. On a cold December afternoon, light permeated the darkness. A hand grasped me, and pulled me out of the catacombs.


Jonny Bolduc is a poet from Lewiston, Maine. He teaches writing to seventh graders at a rural Maine middle school and is a devoted guardian to three cats.  His work has been previously published in JAKE magazine, he was a recipient of Frost Meadow Review’s Editor’s Choice Award, and Roi Fainéant Press.

Two Poems by Alex Youngman

Something Happens at Night

Some people talk about their dreams blurring 
Into their reality, but lately
Reality has blurred into my dreams,
Rubbing my eyes to see through the banal,

Have you ever had a dream where your teeth 
Fall out? I can’t be too sure, but I swear
Something happens at night, and when I wake
Memories crumble and fall from my mouth,

I haven’t really been weeping so much,
But I’ve been gnashing my teeth every night,
And I don’t know if my dentist is more 
worried for my teeth or my soul, maybe

My soul is in my teeth, or maybe still
It’s somewhere that I haven’t looked before.

This is a Channeled Text

I don’t know if it would be scarier
To be abducted by aliens or 
To be ignored, left alone to wonder
If there is an end to all this darkness,

There’s an answer to that question in the
Glowing light of a tractor beam, bathing
You in warmth, bringing you upwards to meet
Something, someone that isn’t just you, proof

That you can close cosmic emptiness, crawl
Your way through to some kind of connection, 
Proof that love exists and proof that those guys
Who channel aliens are not lying,

But honestly it would be
Pretty horrifying.


Alex Youngman is a librarian living in North Carolina. He tries his best to write during his time away from work (and sometimes at work). He is the author of Some Bugs (Bottlecap Press, 2022) and I Can’t See It Now (Alien Buddha Press, 2023). 

Signs I’m Spiraling in the Fall Again by Cash Compson

crying before i’m up in the morning.
driving through the front doors of Costco.
eating every meal at Costco.
69 cent soda upon my 1.29 pizza.
only thing to peel my lips off the chrome behind the car.

thinking about every other October.

every moment already belongs to a moment that once was.

i watch Rob Zombie movies every day
and he only has, like, 5.

i get scared i’ll be mania and sobriety and sexlessness forever.
i get scared i’ve got to do this for 50 more years.
i get scared my mother is going to die like how all the dogs have died.
i write that same thought constantly in these poems because it’s
one of the only ones that linger when i’m fried.
and how all of the people do it. they die.

i call out of work to stand by the water and purgatory myself
for not having the guts to drink all of it.

i’m here only because i was,
because i’ve been.


Cash Compson’s first book of poems, People Scare Me, will be published by House of Vlad Press in February. Follow him on Twitter (@cashcompson) or IG (@cashofcompson) or come find him in the northeast.

Men Without Women by Avee Chaudhuri

Carmen and Trevor had fallen so suddenly to making love, to barebacked screwing after splitting a bottle of Japanese whiskey, that they had not discussed the matter of his ejaculate. Trevor felt it was unwise to potentially saddle Carmen with a child, especially given how much red meat he had been eating as of late. In fact, his diet was terrible and had once been the subject of a heated conversation with his ex-wife. This same discussion had led to his eventual ouster. Yes, Trevor was newly divorced. Trevor was lonely. He was eager not to ruin the evening with unilateral transmission. 

They had met hours before at a wedding in Lincoln, Nebraska and then had gone drinking afterwards. 

“I’d love some corn-fed dick,” Carmen had said at the bar during an interval in their conversation, at the exact same moment that Trevor had thought about heading home and ordering kebabs. 

When it was time, Trevor hurriedly uncoupled himself from Carmen and ejaculated onto a nearby houseplant.

“Pervert! What is wrong with you!” Carmen screamed as she hit Trevor in the face with a foam pillow, breaking his nose. Trevor had to go to the emergency room to have his nose tended to, reset and bandaged. 

“Please will you drive me?” Trevor asked. 

Carmen refused to drive him, dressing herself and standing quietly with her arms crossed, signaling that she wanted Trevor to leave her apartment with some haste. 

“Can we have breakfast tomorrow?” Trevor asked. “I didn’t want to mark you as chattel or possibly impregnate you. I’ve been primarily on a diet of frozen steak fingers, dipped in tartar sauce.” 

“I’m on the pill, you fucking idiot. You’ve ruined the evening.” 

Trevor made peace with himself in the parking lot after smoking a cigarette. Then he proceeded by car to the hospital. He was dexterous, or so he thought, but ended up losing control of his Subaru and crashing fatally into a street lamp at the corner of 14th and P Street. 

Trevor’s ex-wife was asked to eulogize him but forcefully declined when she learned of the circumstances leading to his death. “Classic Trevor,” she whistled into the phone and then hung up, returning her attention to the naval exercises she had been observing from the main balcony at the Rock Hotel, Gibraltar. 


Avee Chaudhuri strenuously denies embezzling funds from the Holmes Lake Fishing Association.