Two Poems by Adam Paxton

Bang Home The Trifecta!

Watching basketball late at night.
McCollum Bangs home the Trifecta!
A 63 year old man said that.
Colour commentator.
Bangs home the Trifecta!
What a ridiculous thing
For a grown man to say.
I say it’s late at night,
It’s three in the morning,
If we’re being specific.
Slashing, sideways rain
Is whispering to my window
The candles do that dance
They do. Cinnamon incense
Strokes my central nervous
System. Sending smoke rings
Of such size, If I had a basketball
Baby you bet your sweet bippy
I’d Bang home the Trifecta!
I’m high on light-to-medium
Strength semi-synthetic opioids.
I took three of ‘em
And washed it down
With a chamomile tea.

I Banged home the Trifecta!
Is this a ridiculous thing 
For a grown man to do?

Did I Get You?

I keep having these dreams where a giant snake
Bursts out of my best friends arse while he’s shitting
And he shouts for help, so I run to find him there
On the bowl
Legs akimbo, this snake is the girth of, like, 
Brock Lesnar’s fucking neck,
And it unhinges its jaw and out of it
Emerges its true face instead of a tongue.
It’s the face of Draco Malfoy,
From the early films, say, the second one.
Chamber of Secrets. Yeah, with the big snake.
Basilisk. Cool word. Anyway, this thing,
This Draco Malfoy-face, extended like,
What, five feet? Out of my best friends arsehole
I can’t break eye contact with it.
And it just says ‘Scared, Potter?’
Then pauses for a second to sneer at me,
Then suddenly kinda zips back inside my friends arse
Like a deflating balloon or some shit, just
Sucking back up in there with a whistle,
That sounds like ‘hwoot’.
And my friends arse,
It isn’t even prolapsed all to fuck or anything,
My guy must have a really good sphincter.
And he just looks at me and he says
‘Did I get you?’ and raises his eyebrows.
And then the dream ends.
Jung could probably tell me what it all means,
But honestly I just think it’s something 
My best friend would probably do
If he could. If he could source the snake, (tall order)
And Draco Malfoy circa 2002. (fat chance)
Or if he had the flexibility (hasn’t got it in him)
I think he’s got the sphincter for it though.
‘Did I get you?’ Shit yeah dude.
Shit yeah you got me.

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Adam Paxton, 28, is from Newcastle-Upon-Tyne in England. He is an English & History Undergrad and Creative Writing MA at Newcastle University. He’s unemployed as fuck. He’s writing an autofiction novel provisionally called You Could Be More (but it probably won’t end up called that cause it sounds like a self-help book). He tweetos at @TheSuicideJones.