Possible Band Names For When You Finally Decide To Start One by Charles John March III

     Like many, I fantasize about starting a band at some point, but I don’t think that I’d be able to commit to just one—so my dream is to join a group of like-minded individuals who see themselves going out on tours under rotating monikers for every leg of the way, under relevant, and sometimes, seasonal circumstances. 

     Around my 31st birthday this last July, I began compiling a list of names that I found meaning in (one for every year I’ve had to endure), which would synchronistically come to mind periodically…

  1. Mr. Imagination & the Figments
  2. Asthma Attack & the Seasons
  3. Captain Spontaneous & the Fasciculations, with supporting act: 
  4. Charlie Horse & the Bursae Sacs
  5. Kingpin & the Strikeouts
  6. Engineer Girl & the Glass Ceilings, with special guest(s): 
  7. Minority Man & the Slit Wrists
  8. Electric Slide & the Power Plant Survivors 
  9. Rabblerouser & the Rubble Warriors
  10. The Good Leg & the Fits
  11. Amputated Arm & the Darth Prosthetics
  12. Ms. Lunesta & the Eye Blots
  13. Dead of Night & the Graveyard Shifts
  14. Dick Broderick & the Off Dayz
  15. Dime Bag & the Ides
  16. March Madness & the Bewares 
  17. Ohana Mamas & the Dust Ups 
  18. Lake Shore Drive & the Trip Moms
  19. Michelob Socialite & the Purebred Celiac Diseased Bleacher Screechers 
  20. Bleachy Clean & the Peachy Keens 
  21. Uncle Johnny & the Embassy Sweets
  22. Chiraq & da Bomb Beef Sandwiches
  23. Last Loaf Piece & the End’s Meat, with accompanying act: 
  24. Home Slice & the Bologna Boys 
  25. Trailer Hitch & the Gas-N-Sip Jesus
  26. Especial Negro y the Cervezas
  27. Diaphoretic Christmas Sweater & the Feel Betters
  28. Gorilla Christ & the Silverback Saints 
  29. Fluorescent Flood Lamp & the Black Magic Muslims
  30. Jim Crow & the Cowgirls
  31. Mr. Bluebird & the Sun Basking Robins

Charles J. March III will never graduate from The Iowa Writers’ Workshop. He has a feather in his cap, but doesn’t have a PEN. He has (surprisingly) a roof over his head, but has never been in residence. He sometimes socializes, but has never had a fellowship. He knows a guy named Grant, but has never received one. He’s been called a MF, and an A, but doesn’t have a MFA. He professes to be (or not to be) these things, but he’s not a professor. He never says never. Less can be found at LinkedIn & SoundCloud

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